Are you an ASS?
(Asymptomatic Super Spreader)
May 1, 2020
We might be.. until tested, the Cushy Number tribe have locked themselves away, observing social distancing - which of course is not new to them as audiences have been social distancing from Cushy Number for quite some time now… We know who you are!! Anyway.. stay at home, be a couch hero, watch these important messages..
Killing COVID: Trump thinks “bringing the light inside the body..” , Cushy Number thinks "bringing the funk inside the cranium" - who do you believe?
WARNING: This video does not contain any silly Rap section in the middle, or any talentless auto tuned wet head with face tattoos throwing gang signs at the camera while a pimped out 1982 Mercedes 300D bounces on a hydraulic lift kit to the beat from a Casio keyboard..sorry about that.
2019 Band Member
Promotions / Demotions
September 19, 2019
Eric Champod has been promoted from the position “Bass Guitar Holder” to the full status of “Bass Guitar Player” allowing him to adjust the volume control on the Bass Guitar (he refers to it as the “Wood thing with Ropes”) from the safety of the OFF position to position ONE. This recognition of his ability to sometimes play the correct note at the appropriate part of the song comes with the responsibility of also playing the other notes with similar accuracy.
Les Rushworth has been promoted from the position “Singer” to “Singer, Buster of Dance Moves / Custodian of the Funk” following his successful record of gigs where he demonstrated his unique ability to shake his funky stuff to the sweet vibes of the Cushy Number sound. Initially greeted with howls of laughter, Les has persevered to hone these skills to the point where the remaining band members have agreed that he may occasionally gyrate, pelvic thrust and chicken peck during parts of the performance where his vocal abilities are at rest.
Ron Sumners has sadly been demoted from the position of “Drummist” to that of “Drummer” A decision not taken lightly, it follows a series of observed instances where Sumners was deemed to have abused the exceptional facility afforded to him to play one handed occasionally, allowing him to adjust the controls of the sound mixer which he insists on having close-by. Instead of attending to this important function, Sumners was seen gulping and slurping from a concealed beer bottle thereby breaking the terms of the exception generously granted to him. On receiving his first warning for this infraction, Sumners then launched into a diatribe along the lines of “.. this wouldn’t happen in my studio ..” and further incriminating himself on account of the rambling nature of the outburst, and the slurred speech with which it was delivered.
1,400 Light years ago...
May 8, 2018
It was still morning on Kepler-452b, and both Suns were rising over the hills to the south and east of the underground facility. Deep in the bowls of Control Room 4a, a pulsing green slimmed tentacle reached and pushed a large red button which jutted temptingly from the main console, setting in motion a series of cataclysmic consequences.
"Not that button!" yelped an excited Section Manager, "Sound the Alert.. some damn fool newbie has gone and invoked the Cushy Number Acoustic start sequence!"
Go to the Music tab and view.
Unredacted sections of the Cushy Number rulebook released
November 17, 2017
In an unusual step, and in the wake of recent occurrences, the following sections of the Cushy Number rulebook have been released in unredacted form.
On Stage Decorum:
Section 4, sub-paragraph 3, appendix 18.104.22.168
“Opening one’s ‘Lunchbox’ during a Cushy Number performance is herby and forthwith actively discouraged. “
Following a recent, pungent and unannounced incident, Comrade redacted was observed to have ‘dropped his guts’ in the midst of a Cushy Number performance, necessitating a protracted period of finger pointing and strong denials from the remaining Comrades.
The remaining Comrades herein declare that ‘killing the canary’ episodes endanger the sanctity of the sacred quorum established during Cushy Number performances and thereby declare that such acts can easily lead to an avoidable escalation, resulting in a pitiless tit for tat conflagration, with devastatingly odorous results.
In summary, Cushy Number Comrades shall confine their musical utterances to their respective instruments, and resist the temptation to emit a ‘Backdoor Breeze’ during performances.
Facial Hair Directive:
Section 832, sub clause 22.214.171.124 paragraph 79.3 – updated
It has come to the attention of the Inner Council of Cushy Number Sub Committee on Sonic Stability, that certain Comrades have adopted a ‘cavalier’ attitude to facial hair, resulting in a disturbance to the delicate sonic composition of the Cushy Number sound. Herby and forthwith, all Comrades must submit any proposed changes to their facial hair, with ample notice, to the aforementioned committee before setting aside their grooming essentials and adopting any form of “Face Fur”.
The preservation of the Sonic Stability of Cushy Number is of the utmost importance, lest the group descends into the bowls of ZZ Top “be-beardedness” and is forced to redefine their song list to include such low-lights as Willie Nelson or Cat Stevens. With this Sword Of Damocles hanging heavy over the Comrades, the Sonic Stability Sub Committee strongly directs that any deviations from the current agreement shall be deemed a violation, and may result in the erring Comrade being held down against their will, and summarily shorn of the offending protuberance.
Chicken Hill Studio ready to rumble
November 14, 2017
The Cushy brothers have finished setting up their new rehearsal / recording room in near Zug, Switzerland. Chicken Hill Studio will soon be littered with empty beer cans and splattered with sweat. So friggin' cool.
It's stocked with some premium gear, a coffee machine and 10,000 kilometres of cabling. Finally we will get some recordings done and share our incredible cover song talents with all of you. We might even open up the room to rent on a nightly basis.
Three PA systems
November 1, 2017
We can perform for thousands! Cushy Number love their toys and we've invested all our pass-the-hat cash and busker coins for three levels of PA systems! Level one is just us yelling into a rolled-up cardboard cone, while level two utilizes wall receptacles and it's electricity to power some small black boxes and other larger black boxes. Level three is just loud and goes to 12, not 11. 11 is for wimps. There's some serious ear damage at level three so be advised to stand back when Phil slams his pudgy fingers across the strings.
Eric made another mistake
October 30, 2017
Eric played a wrong note at the Halloween show on October 28th at the Grain pub in Zurich. Cushy Number would like to extend our apologies to the people affected by Eric's error. We believe that it was his costume that contributed to the incorrect note being plucked during Monster Mash. Cushy Number regrets any inconvenience this has caused and has decided to refrain from playing the song until next Halloween. Eric was quoted as saying "My swarthy chest hair snagged on my pirate shirt and made me screw up".